I have so many things to rant about that I don't know where to start.

To sum it all up into one paragraph, let me tell you about this one guy in my workplace who has been quite an annoying prick to me.  I've had to put up with his nonsense for the past several months but I never said anything because I sincerely believed that even though he annoyed me much (and sometimes disgusted me with the outrageous things he said or did) I never had the heart to tell it to his face.  I didn't like the idea of telling him "Hey listen, I don't like you so go away and leave me alone, okay?" because I figured it would hurt, if someone said that to me I know I would be hurt real bad, and so I never had the heart to stamp on somebody's feelings just like that.  Even though this guy annoys me out of my head and sometimes it just gets on my nerves way too much that I feel like giving him a tight slap across the face.  But who knows, right, it may have been a slip of tongue, who am I to judge?  After all there are quirky people in the world who have a quirky sense of humor, right?  Maybe they just can't seem to get that humor portion right?  I don't know.

When a dog is naughty and makes you cry by breaking your things or biting you, you KNOW for sure that it didn't mean to hurt you and that deep inside, it really is a nice creature full of love and care.  A dog is a noble creature, no matter how bad they behave or how ill-mannered they are, every dog is a good dog inside their hearts and every single one of them, even the fiercest rottweiller of them all has at least one person they love more than themselves in their hearts.

But when a person does something to hurt you, you don't know for sure if he/she is really a nice person inside and didn't mean to cause you hurt.  Or if a person is being nice to you, is he/she really being nice to you?  We can hardly tell if someone is pretending and is doing the job well, right?  Humans are hard to predict, and far more difficult to understand.  Where as dogs are true in their actions and are straight forward in their intentions, humans on the other hand are clever beings at hiding their true intentions, feelings and emotions.  I daresay that every dog will willingly die for the human they love, but how many humans will die for another?

Sometimes I just don't understand why people do the things they do.  Is it very entertaining?  Is it their way of making friends?  Or is he trying to intimidate me?  Whatever it was, I don't know but I sure am pretty annoyed.  Like I said, human beings are clever at hiding their true intentions, whatever it may be.  So we may never know.

I am not afraid to admit that I can be quite a naive person at times and often give my trust away too easily.  My trust may be easy thing to gain, but it is only a one time gift.  Once broken, you can never, ever have it again.  That is a truth, not a promise.

There are so many things that make me angry right now.  Different situations, different people; but they all sum up to ONE THING: human nature.  I can never understand how a person's nature can be like how it is, but then again we can't expect everyone else to be like us, that is human nature and there is nothing we can do but to be angry for a while, seeth over it, and then get on with life.

I am gonna tell you this one story about my friend, which made my blood boil upon hearing such injustice and unfair treatment.  It went like this: my friend works on engineering designs in a certain company (I cannot mention which).  Recently he was in charge of a project which he designed and was approved and went into production.  Unfortunately when production kicked off, a problem surfaced and this was only captured at the customer end.  Not a good thing to begin with, and to make things worse, it was traced back to the design and eventually the blame fell on the shoulders of the designer, my friend.  Why do I say this is unjust, even though it was his fault after all for making the mistake?  In the manufacturing business, I believe it is not only the designer's responsibility but everyone who is involved in the entire process.  Yes, he made a mistake, but why was there not a senior engineer to double check and approve his work?  If there was, why did he, the SENIOR, not capture the error before the design went out?  And was there not a validation team to verify the design?  I'm sure there was, why did they not see it?  Even if they could not, was there no test process in the manufacturing line?  Of course there was... then could they not detect it?

If you were to point fingers, then there are many to point fingers at.  The senior, if there was one, for not catching the mistake when given the responsibility to double check a junior's work.  The validators, again for not catching the mistake before approving it.  The test developers, for using tests that are not capable of capturing the mistake?  Anybody could be at fault.

But it seems like only one person was chosen to be the scapegoat.  He could've fought back and defended himself, YES he made the mistake, but it was not only his mistake alone.  Designers DO make mistakes (they are only human) and it is for this reason that operations and support teams exist to sniff out and capture these mistakes before it is too late, no?

And why did his boss not defend him!

Why did he not defend himself?  I have no idea, but I do know it is tiring work and a complete waste of time to explain yourself to a pompous, birdbrained person who thinks he is always right and you are wrong (although I am not saying that his boss is one such person) yet cannot walk the talk.  I have met such people, been treated with such injustice, but to save myself from more anger, exasperation and high blood pressure at such young age, I thought it was best to just keep quiet and save my breath.

I can be so angry sometimes that I shouldn't speak, lest I might thrust daggers into someone's heart by opening my mouth.

Another thing that pisses me off completely is people who get too overly anxious over minor matters and make as though the whole world is going to explode into a million bits and pieces if they don't get things done their way.  I hate these people who push so hard and take up all your precious time with their petty thoughts and make a big hoo-ha out of nothing.  Even worse, if they are the demanding sort of people who believe their shit is made of gold and the rest of the world are their slaves who should constantly be availed to their every whim and fancy.

I have a good mind to coat their toilet seats with epoxy glue just before they go in and sit down to take a dump, so they can be tightly fastened to their thrones while watching their golden shit.  And they can stay put on their thrones for all I care and keep out of everyone else's way for ONCE.

Like my friend always says: Everyone has two choices.  I personally find this extremely annoying, but sometimes I do feel there is some truth to it.  You can either choose to continue being angry at something or someone; or accept the fact that he/she is a moron and get on with life.

If you choose to continue being angry with all the dim wits and morons in your life, you will forever be an angry person, no? :)

a year ago we were up in the clouds eating hot dumplings and taking walks amidst the freezing cold weather.  you asked me if i was cold, and i said yes.

since then, and a great many unfolding turn of events, we've had ups and downs, laughter and tears, but most important of all the warm and fuzzy feeling we share between us. i like to think of it as a secret that we share, because first and foremost it is a feeling you just can't describe or articulate in words.  we have shared so many things: memories, good times and bad, secrets, dreams, happiness, sadness, and so many more.

i am sorry that i cannot be the best kind of person you would wish i was. i am sorry that i'm sometimes a very grouchy and hurtful person and that i've said things to hurt you. i am such a grouch sometimes, and i know you have put up with so much of my emotional crap.  i can be such a pain in the neck, but you have always been patient with me. sometimes i think i don't deserve you because you are like the best gift ever in my life.

i am not good with expressing myself in spoken words, and perhaps it does most often makes me appear to be an unaffectionate person, but i do try my best.  i just want to say: happy anniversary, baby. the anniversary gift in the form of a fat ball of grey fur you left on my bed a week ago and the card you hid so cleverly beneath my socks are the most wonderful surprises ever and sometimes i just wonder how you always manage to surprise me.  except, of course, the time when you tried to make a surprise visit but i found out cos you didn't hide your shoes well enough. :P

i love you, baby, i always will. :)

I spent my day alone today.  Everyone was out of town, I did not speak a word nor hear a word from within these white walls and the only sounds I heard were those from my neighbours, and the sound of their little boy playing the piano.

I slept at six this morning, having the most unfortunate insomnia of all insomnias to happen to me even though I was so extremely tired and worn out from a week or se of lack of sleep and such, and spent the whole day reading Margaret Atwood's Alias Grace, something I had stumbled upon while searching for the Handmaid's Tale.  An interesting read I would say, pretty disturbing right through the middle of it, then again disturbing is just what makes you want to devour it further until you get to the bottom of it all.

By nightfall I had finished the book, googled the true story that it was based upon, and having satisfied my curiosity on the mysteries of the 19th century murder, I decided that it was all too late to take a short nap.

My biological clock is all messed up, I am awake when everyone else sleeps, and I go to bed when everyone else wakes.  In the end, I find myself in a cluttery mess.  My mind is everywhere and sometimes nowhere to be found, often I find myself disarrayed, disoriented.  I spend most of the day wondering if I had actually lost my imagination, or had I gotten lost in my imagination.  I don't know.

I hate it when the ride back home on the shabby blue bus halts with a screech and jerks me back to reality.  It is a pain to my bum and also a halting end to my floating reverie and most annoying of all it happens not just once nor twice, it happens all the time.

My mind is in little fragments scattered everywhere.  I am in need of a long, deep sleep, to rejuvenate it and patch together fragments of my scattered brain.  I feel so scattered myself, you see where I had begun with a book and ended with my brain, perhaps today I am not so much in the condition to tell you a story, yet there was a story before I began but now it is gone.  These days I must hold on tight to a thought while it is there, and write it down quick I must, lest it be gone the very next minute.

Do you agree that we often take things for granted, most often subconsciously than not, and it is only too late when we realize it?

Youth is fleeting indeed, in no time it is gone before we even realize it.  There is no life until you live it, and I don't believe in fate, but I believe everyone has a choice.

How often does an average person make the wrong choice?  I don't know, but I do know I have done it a great many times. :)

I slammed the car door on my left thumb *hard* this morning.

Damn, it hurt like hell!!!  My whole thumb was throbbing with pain as the blood oozed out from right underneath the fingernail.

The number ONE rule you must always abide when dealing with smashed fingers: never ever shed a tear no matter how painful it is.  Then again, this is advice coming from a person who'd rather drown than scream for help and risk losing face for that :P

My thumb was semi-paralyzed the whole day from the excruciating pain and pressure building up from the bleeding wound beneath the fingernail.  It turned purple after a couple of hours and hurt like hell whenever I tried to use it.  I never realized how carelessly I took for granted my fingers until I felt the loss of one... you know how difficult it is to eat without your left thumb!!  It's impossible to hold a fork while cutting through a piece of chicken drumstick without using the left thumb.  Not to mention hitting the spacebar without using your left thumb.  Or holding a hair dryer.  Or squeezing shampoo out of the bottle while holding it...

I went to see the company nurse, and she gave me a pack of ice to put over it.  The amount of pain suffered with the pack of ice over it is almost a hundred times without!!  I could almost cry out loud for that but then again I am an avid follower of rule number one so suck it up and swallow the pain.

I never knew ice could be so painful.

A couple of painkillers.  She said it was all I need, plus some advice on reducing the swelling by using ice - which I would gladly forget.  My thumb will hurt like crazy for the next few days, that is what the painkillers are for.

If you see me wearing a very moody, constipated look on my face, it is not because I am constipated.  It is because I am in pain, and the constant pain in my left thumb makes me easily agitated and extremely grouchy.

And I shall not be touching them painkillers.

the ultimate reason for the existence of wifi-enabled phones: to steal free broadband to kill boredom while waiting for your friend to turn up for dinner. im here at e-gate leeching wifi from the noodle house below which has, by far, the strongest signal, whilst waiting for a long lost friend of mine to arrive. i havent seen her in eons! we had it set at 730, but im early. i can hardly wait, i dont even remember how she looks like exactly, this is how far my memory has fazed since we first met some centuries back. we are having subway for dinner tonite, exciting! i have never been to subway except to buy a bottle of orange juice. yes, silly i know. how does it feel to meet an old friend from long long ago whom u can barely recognise anymore? well, THIS is how it feels like!! i am tired and hungry but i bet it'll be fun anyhow. and i love noodle station for providing wifi free of charge and password-free. :)

Procrastination may seem like the next best thing to do when you are psychologically tired and simply too lazy to think of doing what you're supposed to do, after all it can wait for another day and it won't hurt.... right?

Procrastination is what caused me not to fold my clean laundry for the past one month (or more?) leaving it in a crumpled, mountainous pile.

You know it is time to start sorting and folding your clean laundry when you have been wearing crumpled clothings that you pulled out from under a mountain for about a week and don't have the slightest memory of when the last time you folded your laundry was.

Needless to say, I spent an hour going through the endless pile of crumpled up clothes and bedsheets and towels; sorting, folding and putting them away neatly.  And under the gigantic pile of clothes, I found my missing socks and some undergarments I thought had disappeared into thin air.  This is what happens when you don't fold your laundry right after you take them in.

Laundry is such a chore!  I am so tired I think I'm going straight to bed right after this.

At the final bend down the road when I am finally starting to actually like my job, things take a sudden turn down the other side.  I find myself plunging deeper into the life of a typical workaholic (although I am more of an unwilling-but-forced-to kind) which basically comprises of a work-eat-sleep-work-work-work-work routine.  With datelines drawing closer by the day and clamping down on me, it is almost like a situation where you are cornered with a solid wall behind you and nowhere to run except to smash a hole in the wall with your head and crawl through it.

I am a cranky person when I suffer from lack of sleep.  That is a fact, not a statement.  And coffee makes it worse.  That is also a fact, not an assumption.

Therefore I have been a cranky person for the past few weeks.

My Job.  I would say it is a love-hate relationship kinda thing.  The only regret I have is that opportunity came too late when it had a chance to jump in earlier.  A pity, it really is.

I owe my gratitude to so many people.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go...
Some stay and make footprints on our hearts...
And we are never, never the same."
- Author Unknown.

Mixed feelings is like when you are happy to get a chance at a new chapter in life, but sad to leave the old one behind.

Mixed feelings is like when you can't wait to leave because you can't take it anymore, but yet you don't want to leave because you can't bear to leave the people you love behind.

Mixed feelings is like when you have waited all your life for this one thing to happen in your life, yet when it finally does, you are afraid to move on to grab the golden once in a lifetime opportunity, afraid to leave your previous life behind, afraid to step out of your comfort zone, afraid to embrace the one thing in life you have been waiting all your life for.

Mixed feelings is like wanting the new, yet unwilling to let go of the old.

Mixed feelings is like when you mix your dreams, your thoughts, your heart, your reality with the irony of it all.

Mixed feelings is a phrase most often overused, misused and misunderstood.

Mixed feelings.  It's like having that warm fuzzy feeling in your heart that puts a broad smile across your face, yet piercing through it and cutting it open raw at the very same time, like a sharp, shiny blade.

Mixed feelings is like having something to write about, yet not knowing whether to write it or not, or how to write it, or whether there really is something to write about in the first place.

Petrol price leaps to RM2.70 per litre tonight.

It only makes me angry to even think about it.  One person who wrote in to one particular newspaper (I forgot which) was right, if the government decides to stop subsidizing on petrol, then they should stop imposing heavy taxes on imported cars as well.  HEY it's not like locally made cars are THAT cheap either... hmm, and what about THAT GUY they sent up to space and spent billions - to play with teh tarik and roti canai and whatever shit.  WTF RIGHT?

SEE told you it would only make me angrier and angrier each minute I dwell on it.  No need for me to tell you how these people fucked up OUR money, isn't it pretty damn obvious already.

Boooo...